ok fuck this.

i dun know what i will say when i read this 2 days later or 2 months later, but i guess this is the really the end

went online said still up and received all of the supressed anger in one serving

i was given two choice, to really give up or to remain being hated and loathed

i guess i really had no choice when there was only one choice, isn’t there?

i dun know how i can put all this down, the sentiments, the emotions. you can’t just let it go like it’s a friggin dumbell. it’s human, it’s fragile and you’re dealing with a human heart

i guess i saw this coming when i started being ignord
i guess i knew it was gonna happen when i started to bitch around and mop about like a effing emo.
i guess it was self caused in the end

but the price she’s asking for: able to truthfully say i give up.

will i be ever be able to say that?

won’t i still dream ever night of havin the magical feeling i had
the happiness and joy i experience
the hands i held so dearly
the person that i thut i would have forever
the love i used to once possess

i’m being told to give up really my life. if i’ve made that decision, i can’t post emo notes anymore. no more emo personal messsages hinting any shit.

won’t that make me a robot without feelings.

maybe my best friend was right. it was better to make a decision earlier than suffer this.
but mine is a failure story, you never know where you can with yours just by persisting and hanging on.

will i be ever the same, coming out from this? will i ever be able to look her in the eye and say i don’t like you anymore without my fingers crossed

i dun know if i will ever able to put this whole package done because no matter how much i try to ignore it, that gut feeling is still there. and i’m telling myself to follow this gut feeling.

i never knew how you got over it. maybe you were stronger and thut that this wasn’t much a big deal. sorry to say, it is for me. secretly, sometimes i hope that you are cryign to for saything something so humanless. but i know you, you never lie with a striaght face. i knew you were serious

maybe one day, “you” will see this and forgive me for all the stuff that i’ve done. or on the opposite push me out the window

the truth is i dun know

i’d like to fantasize and hope that my dream will become reality maybe not now. maybe not next month, maybe not next year, maybe not the prom that i dream of, maybe not the uni life i expect, maybe not the typical relationship that adults have, maybe not until we are into the coffins that someone will find this site and give a speech how i never really truly gave up.

maybe this is the spirit. learning the art of deception

looking you in the eye and saying i give up without twitching a brow.

using the chance to get near you and get included into your life once more again.

and finally having a happy ending with light blue sofas, cat, matching furniture, colbie colbat’s CD, living in suburbs without kids.

here i am, giving myself hope again, forcing myself not to give up. i mean why are humans so fickle. can’t we just stick with one thing and carry it out. i guess i can’t.

how long will it take for me to give up? i dun know. honestly, i dun know. i would like to say that after a week, i’ll make up a story and tell you that i give up. but i think i would be lying. or i could just sleep it off and see waht happens tmr morning

this makes me think. should i wander thru high skl without a life but a soul, or should i put a mask, selling my soul but giving me a life.

the answer is i dun know too. soo cheers to life, love, lost, sleep and to you for making my life really one that i can call my own.

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