week of contradictions

amazing how i’m really starting to enjoy this blog thing, spitting out random comments just to release all the shit inside the system that’s been accumulating since Monday morning

starting

i’m just pretty glad that things between me and her are starting to get better, at least we talk, although more as friends than as anything else. but when i have put up that it’s you, she just was so intrigued by the question which i found pretty amazing. i tired to be funny witty, say honestly, it’s you, but it just seemed like she didn’t get it or was just playing dumb. but deep inside, i hoped that she was hinting and telling me to confess. or that she could be purposely ignoring the truth.

i don’t know, i just hope things get better, who knows.

the next part is a question that has long bothered me.

should i be nice to my mom, or is she really going overboard.

i mean she should understand i’m 16 and i haev my own decisions, but yeah i also know that I owe her some care and respect. just sometimes she’s so pusshy, she makes me feel guilty on purpose, never tries to hide her disappointment with me. i mean dude, i’ve got emotions now, it’s not like you’re the only human being that gets to be pissed with life. maybe it’s just sometimes she reminds me of all the crap i’ve been through. work, surgery, ironically events that my mom had given me the most support. but it’s just when i see her, i remember all those shit situations, which just makes me feel sick. but i just hate the fact how she seems to be pissed off with the most little things, and never thinks of accomdoating others for things. it’s always her way and only her way, she never stepped down and thought of how other ppl would do things. sometimes, i find myself purposely hiding in my studyroom just so to avoid conversation with her, the presence of her gives me pressure. i already give myself enough stress, but my mom just adds to it, like there’s no limit.
hopefully, i’ll be able to look at this and laugh after 10 years. probably just one of those other “phases” we go through.

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One thought on “week of contradictions

  1. well I’ve told u wt I think abt this, but I’ll repeat in short

    one, it’s good to be friends, it’s easier to share and less awkward, so keep that going!

    second, I hv the same mom as you do but guess what, she hassles me the same amount even when she’s not here! but I think if you really think about it she’s done so much more for you than we hv ever done for them, I mean jeez all we have, all we do, all we can do, is probably indirectly or directly because of either our moms or dads, so I guess sucking up so work frustration from our parents and petty things isn’t that big of a deal, I learnt that the hard way, don’t go through wt I had to

    gd luck and stay in touch!

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