upbringing

here i have lived for 16 years, my mom has nurtured me into what i am now, but what really is this whole parenting thing.

the methods of parenting lies on a scale.

at one end is the “let go” way where you let your child fun as far as he wants, exploring the world at his own, not caring if he trips or if he falls into the ocean, or falls off the cliff

on the other end is the “dog leash” way where he hold your child by the collar, guiding or should i even say moving his foot to the next spot where there is already a footprint. you scream at him if he moves his foot 1 mm away from the footprint, scream while he grows up but make sure he has a good life

is one better than another, can’t say

each parent places differently on this scale, never right in the middle always tilting to one side.

there are evidence to support both. you have free runners from the “let go” party who explored the earth on their own. they might have fallen down, tripped but some of them manage to get back and change the world and experience much more than he would everr have

the free thinkers, the inventors all come from this section. the way great people were brought up.

but if he falls off a cliff. now this is is the problem of the “let go ” method, you never know if the nextt foot will bring yoru child’s downfall, send him down to a path of never return. that is wehre this method is at fault

on the other hand, is the “dog leash” method. you’re carefully planning each and every single step of his childhood, guiding him to the right places, right things, right people, right opportunities. everything is perfect, he will live a life than you want him to

many people in hk are “bred” like this. they study from day till night, do this and do that. end up becoming good doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers with a very comfortable life

seems like the perfect way, ain’t it but i dun think so. the fun and joy that the child was supposed to experience was substituted with the screaming that came as a gift with this “dog leash” method. once you do something wrong, you are screamed like you started world war 3.

i’m a living example of this method. i can”t say it has done my any fault. right now, i have a bigger chance than most people will ever have to get a good education and life. yeah, sometimes i feel stressed and depressed but aat least my future is certain. my parents know i won’t do too bad.

soo there it is, the two extremes of parenting.

parents will always choose the “dog leash” method no matter what, because they are sure that their children will have a very comfortable future which is understandable. but in the mean time they restrict something very important: the advantage of being young and a child

the special power to make mistakes and to learn from them.
the special power to experience life through their own eyes and hands
the special power to be happy and carefree when they are young.

yes, but at least they won’t end up in a dark alley dead for being involved with gangs.

it is grim but it is true.

after reading that, is it wrong? is it right? for the parents to carry out either method.

truth is i don’t know.

but don’t curse your parents for trying to guide your every step, they just want to make sure that you will have a good life. that’s all.

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One thought on “upbringing

  1. I’m not sure if you’re concluding this for me or if you really believe it, but if you do, it is great that you have finally acknowledged it, I am on the same leash as you are, maybe on different thins and different scales, but I’m definitely tilting that way

    in psychology they have concluded three main parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive, here’s an outline:

    Authoritarian: strict morals, well disciplined, high expectations, communications from parent to child more than child to parent

    Permissive: relax morals, little to no discipline, low expectations, communication from child to parent more than parent to child

    Authoritative: moderate morals, some discipline, moderate expectations, equal and abundant communication between parent and child

    I think no parents exactly fit these three categories, but studies have shown the third produces the people with the best psychological well being, are they the most creative? maybe not, are they the most successful? maybe not, but are they happy, usually so.

    the conclusion is that there is no perfect way of parenting, there are pros and cons for every parenting style and a mixture of all, depending how, is usually the one that we experience

    what kind of parent would I be, or you would be? I have no clue at this moment

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