after watch the notebook at 1 in the morning last night
during that movie, i had placed myself as allie, and noah was her, lon as carmen
lon gives me a lot. she’s nice to me, does everything for me but somehow the feeling is not there. it’s not real, it’s not true. i do like her but not in this crazy passionate way. it’s so civilized, so courteous.
i cried because i realized that i still liked that her, the “her” who existed in my memory, in my imagination, in my dreams. every time i see lon, i make a comparison of what noah would do.
for the first time after “giving up” for so long, i cried my hearts out. it just totally killed me the now her could be so mean, so heart breaking. i was still your bf for fucking sake. can’t you at least say hi, why not?
you just ignored me and pushed me out of your life as if nothing ever happened.
i dun know what to do. i want to be honest and tell her what i feel. but either way, i’ll injure someone: me or her. my heart wants “her” back, but her heart wants me. what do i do? why did God put me in such a crap position?