dazed, confused

after watch the notebook at 1 in the morning last night

i cried…

during that movie, i had placed myself as allie, and noah was her, lon as carmen

lon gives me a lot. she’s nice to me, does everything for me but somehow the feeling is not there. it’s not real, it’s not true. i do like her but not in this crazy passionate way. it’s so civilized, so courteous.

i cried because i realized that i still liked that her, the “her” who existed in my memory, in my imagination, in my dreams. every time i see lon, i make a comparison of what noah would do.

for the first time after “giving up” for so long, i cried my hearts out. it just totally killed me the now her could be so mean, so heart breaking. i was still your bf for fucking sake. can’t you at least say hi, why not?
you just ignored me and pushed me out of your life as if nothing ever happened.

i dun know what to do. i want to be honest and tell her what i feel. but either way, i’ll injure someone: me or her. my heart wants “her” back, but her heart wants me. what do i do? why did God put me in such a crap position?

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One thought on “dazed, confused

  1. c’mon Shum, a few things

    first, great movie, sad movie, but still great

    second, I guess u needed to cry it out, it’s gd 4 u, wish I had been there for u

    third, at least ur know wt’s happening to u now, don’t live in the old world, don’t live in the past, she’s found a way to cope with this, and if it’s by making u hate her, u should do sth similiar, she’s gone for good, so stop hoping and move on

    fourth, u hv a wonderful girl giving herself for u whole heartedly, be gd and treasure her, and don’t let some imaginary past stand before u and her

    trust me, u’ll regret it

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