no good title to think of

i’ve been a jerk

i’m not going to find a reason for myself, not going to give an excuse. i’m just a plain jerk

all through these few days, i have sumberged myself into deep thought about this lreationship

is it right or is it wrong

so many problems appear before me, yet i have no idea what to do

the relationship is down right weird

me and a my long friend from two eyars ago.
to me, i don’t even know if i like her “that” way. i don’t know if i was in a right mind when i said to her do you like me? i dun know.

i feel this pressure to “preform” to suddenly become her romeo. to swore allegiance to her. i dun know if i have even established the basic feeling for her yet. there’s so much pressure. i dun even know if i mean it when i say i love you. it just blurted out of me without any thought

am i over katherine? i dun think about her anymore but the comparison is still there

i liked katherine before we got together for half a year. before i confessed to carmen, i probably liked her for let’s see 2 days

i dun know whether it’s me or just different. this seems so different from my first relationship. she’s so nice to me, says thank you to eveyrthing i say. whatever, your choice. maybe she’s not the type of girl i liked or did she just change when we got together. i dun know. i don’t think i like “this” carmen. i like the feisty, crazy, blahing carmen that just goes nuts on everything.

one year ago, i had this urge. this passion. whenver i thought about katherine, i just texted her, i was CRAZILY in love. but now, i just don’t feel it. to me, it’s like some peaceful river without any torrents, blah. i want carmen to hate me, and suddenly i do things that will help me change her.

she’s so effing nice to me. it’s not even funny. it’s even scary.

i jsut wish life would work out easy and well… help me.


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