mentally singing – go where love goes – andrea bocelli.
love, the four letter word that many have said to be the most powerful thing in the world
there were so many types of love
but the love i’m talking about tonight is the romantic love
and tonight, i think i’m ready to say out what MY version of love is
just came back from my cousin’s wedding dinner
marraige, the celebration of love between two people.
but what is love.
to some, love is supposed to be some joyful boat ride on a clam lake with blue skies and beautiful scenery
to others, love is a daredevil ride in the sea, tackling storm after storm, wave after wave until finally you see the rainbow after the storm. and wait for the next storm.
i’ve seen so many older couples, husbands and wife who’ve lost that spark.
they sacrifice their true love needs, theiir basic love instincts for one thing that has made man able to reign this world: stability
this element of human practices have allowed us to plan for the future, to improve on current methods, and acheive stability in a changing world.
they remain together although their hearts are apart for their children, for their family, for their reputation.
with katherine, i had this passionate crazy love for her.
i would be mad at myself for not being able to see her go offline. i would make myself stay up to wait for her call, make her gifts.
i rmb my insanity of going to places i would never have been to, for giving gifts i would never have given, but when she said she liked them, my whole world just became heaven
it was crazy, it was stupid, reckless. i got often abused by her, but when she did say she cherished me and loved me, my whole body had goosebumps. it was like seeing the rainbow after that huge storm.
i complained about things that other people said were just little stuff, no need to worry about, but i treated them like the end of the world. it just showed how much i cared and loved her.
arguments actually do not mean we hate the other person, it just means that we love them so much that we want them to go down the right way or believe the right thing, the way that I think/know is correct
finally, she turned me down. she decided it was time to move on. i did even more crazy acts, but those pushed her away. my life turned around. i was kicked off the edge of heaven, and sent straight to hell. i was soo hearbroken.
i got injured, i was so heartbroken. but when i came back i realized that i really really enjoyed it when looking back.
it was crazy passionate love, the ending sucked, but at least i had enjoyed it while it lasted.
“smile because it happened”
with carmen, i had the steady feeling for her
i liked her, she was almost perfect. everyday, i talked to her, webcammed her. but beyond that there was no passion, no insanity behind my actions
it was very stable. it was going to be very peaceful and clam every single day we spent together.
but there was no magic, no spark that spread the wild fires through the forests.
it was stagnant and non changing.
katherine -> crazy, passionate love
carmen -> stable, lasting love
i want free love, i wnat to meet that dream girl of my life. and i wnat to be with her forever.
i want the crazy, passionate love to be stable and lasting.
kinda ironic, isn’t it. two things that are impossible to have at the same time.
this is the thing that i fear that i will have to choose when i grow up.
i will be almost forced to pick a woman who i want to spend the rest of my life with.i’ll almost HAVE to propose to her.
i want free love, but i also want children and a stable family. how do i choose between those two things
i guess i can jsut enjoy free love as much as i can now.
i rmb scoffing at how disloyal other people were for dumping their girlfriends after 2 weeks.
but now i realize that they are being good to themselves. ast least they’re saying the truth that i don’t lke you anymore. sorry.
right now, i am just really enjoying the prospect if being single. no obligations. no worries. just you to please, and just you to worry about.
being single is not as bad as some others think it is
i guess my final resolution is that deeply down, i do want free love. i think i would rather sacrifice others for my own happiness and enjoyment in this world although it may not be the msot altruistic thing i can do. but that was my deep bottom line i guess
in search of the next perfect girl…