first crush

every guy has this dream, the dream to rekindle the candle of love with their first crush

remember your first crush, not the one you said in kindergarten, but the one that you only kept to yourself or at most your closest friends (who might have told everyone)

probably your neighbor, usually your classmate or maybe just this girl you saw walking by (high unlikely)

this is not the girl who you liked for 1 week, but the one you liked for months probably even years. the girl who made your heart pump faster, your head turn in her direction, your ears tingling, yoru stomach felt empty

this was the very first girl that made you question yourself, that made you wonder if this was love

it was the purest type of love you ever experienced, the type that you would now think is impossible to have again

the kind of love that was not sexual, intellectual, logical, it was just you wanted to be with this girl

and when you said you wanted to be with her forever, you actually meant it

when you said you would do anything for her, you actually meant it (except of course the ones that were too scary)

speaking of this girl, you remember exactly how her face looks, how her face seemed to shine whenever she want, the face that always stod out in a crowd. she seemed to moved with grace no matter what she did, she seemed to be perfect no matter what.

if someone asked you why you like it, you would have no reason because there was none

it was just pure love without explanations and thought. it just came

there are two roads from here. either you became the luckiest and happiest guy in the world one day or the unluckiest and most depressed guy in the world one day

then, the inevitable (please tell me it isn’t) things turned sour, it didn’t work out.

you gave up, she changed her mind. and you guys went seperate ways

but now you look back, do you still wanna tell that girl you like her?


One thought on “first crush

  1. in many ways I have rationally persuaded myself that I am completely over “her”, and that I will now restrain myself to mere casual male conversations and no more deep infatuations

    however, when I feel my heart beat before and after a phone call, or my anxious attitude across the lunch table and my obsession with appearance before a meeting tells me otherwise

    but the sad thing is these superficial feelings come and go, and I know it is no longer the same pure infatuation, now it is just a matter of pride, pursuit and a game

    maybe one day, maybe one day I’ll rediscover that same passion, but that day seems very far away

    now i’m just left with fondling odd girls on dance floors and sitting at tables acting like a clown…o how lowly can one get?

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