tick tock tick tock
every second i type this, every second you read this, is a drop of time
the clock right now says 1 year 9 months left (june 2010)
after these 1 year and 9 months, everybody will be saying their last good byes
my mom gave me an insight with a tear-streaked face. she said she only has 1 year and 10 months at most before i leave her as a grown man.
it almost felt like the deadline before my death. of how i was going to leave her forever.
she said “when you come back. you won’t be a baby. you’ll be a grown man. don’t be selfish. share these remaining days with your family.”
i understood this but also amazed by how fast this thought overcame me.
1 month ago, i was still thinking i have 2 years of high skl left. now i feels more like 2 seconds
any blink of an eye, i’ll miss some of the best memories of life.
anymore time i spend on fucking math, i regret it for the rest of my life.
it’s the last months i’ll spend with my brother, my mother, my friends. these people have been with me through thick and thin.
i know quite sure no matter how much i do, all the things i do. i’ll have a regret.
regret for not doing this and not doing that
i don’t even want to think ahead of how my brother will grow without me
of how he will become 6 feet without me examining his every move
in a way, i feel selfish of wanting to leave this place
i wanna go to explore this world, see it for the first tie with my own eyes
and yet left behind is the people who’ve grown up with me, taken care of me.
i can’t imagine. i really can’t
i know i will enjoy myself in uni. but i won’t deeply be joyful because i know i’ve left something behind.