the clock

tick tock tick tock

every second i type this, every second you read this, is a drop of time

the clock right now says 1 year 9 months left (june 2010)

after these 1 year and 9 months, everybody will be saying their last good byes

my mom gave me an insight with a tear-streaked face. she said she only has 1 year and 10 months at most before i leave her as a grown man.

it almost felt like the deadline before my death. of how i was going to leave her forever.

she said “when you come back. you won’t be a baby. you’ll be a grown man. don’t be selfish. share these remaining days with your family.”

i understood this but also amazed by how fast this thought overcame me.

1 month ago, i was still thinking i have 2 years of high skl left. now i feels more like 2 seconds

any blink of an eye, i’ll miss some of the best memories of life.

anymore time i spend on fucking math, i regret it for the rest of my life.

it’s the last months i’ll spend with my brother, my mother, my friends. these people have been with me through thick and thin.

i know quite sure no matter how much i do, all the things i do. i’ll have a regret.

regret for not doing this and not doing that

i don’t even want to think ahead of how my brother will grow without me

of how he will become 6 feet without me examining his every move

in a way, i feel selfish of wanting to leave this place

i wanna go to explore this world, see it for the first tie with my own eyes

and yet left behind is the people who’ve grown up with me, taken care of me.

i can’t imagine. i really can’t

i know i will enjoy myself in uni. but i won’t  deeply be joyful because i know i’ve left something behind.

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One thought on “the clock

  1. it is not a true separation, and it will never be because of our fortunes, and you can take my word for this because I have experienced that emptiness for more than two years already

    yes there will be regrets, sorrow, homesickness, but think about it the life that will be catching up with us will overwhelm you, engulf you, but more important is the fact that we also get to go home a lot, see our family, and those vacations that we are at home we will understand and treasure our family even more

    it is not enough to look bk with regrets, the past is the past, it is what will happen and what should happen that we should think about, crave for and look forward to

    “throw out the ranger, be who you were born to be”

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