i don’t know how this happened to me.
how i saw “life”.
i was always reluctant to move on in life. reluctant to forget someone. reluctant to admit i’m too old for stuff.
my mom tells me how i should always smile. smile at this, smile at that
smile to people you do’nt know and know alike
i did. i used to
but now i don’t
have i lost the cheeriness in life. maybe.
have i lost my optimism
have i lost my hope for a better world
it seems that i’ve finally seen this world. this world in its grey, hideous, revolting manner.
the sad truth that no matter how much we do, the world will not change drastically because of our actions
smiling to a stranger to change the world. smiling won’t make the life a better place. it won’t. it takes bigger things.
they’ll just see you as some weirdo
i’ve seen too many sad stories, too many things of disappointment of grief that i no longer see this world like i used to.
the white world with lots of color
it’s more like monochrome now. sad, dull, without vigor
the thought that my actions are restricted by this and restricted by that truly discourage me
i can’t bear the fact when i get married. what’s going to happen to me
it’s quite depressing.
i know i’m going in the wrong direction, but then probably it’s just a bad day.