a promise to myself

it’s hard to write these type of things. promises.

if you’re honest, it’s hard to write realistic dreams without being slightly pessimistic
if you’re idealistic, it’s hard to write lofty ideas without being overly optimistic

yes i’m stressed out. after this whole year of constantly working, i must admit i’m stressed out.

yes, i want it. i want love somehow somewhere with somebody. if it takes lying, i might just do it cuz it’s the only thing that can occupy my mind long and intense enough to help me forget about work.

i’m all about efficiency. i won’t spend weeks watching korean drama cuz it’s time consuming. get into a relationship, get out after a week and you’re good as new. sounds a bit extreme but it’s still an idea.

now reflection
looking back this past year, i surely have learnt a lot. and one thing is true that IB is certainly much scarier and more difficult than i would have expected.

wishing i could some things differently? of course. my report isn’t bad. for many, it’s amazing. but for me, it’s k. i was quite disappointed with my word lit mark and my math mark, considering how much time and effort i put into it. and to think about how i am under the mercy of one person.
i think it’s time for realization that i am at the zenith of my potential. i literally work day and night, have some of the best tutors (if not teachers. long live collette. farberbitch) in the world, still am on the same level with a guy who spent almost all of his exam study time playing football manager. sigh…

i didn’t used to beleive it but natural talent does play a difference. wilfred is truly gifted and talented in so many different ways. i’ve finally started to do things and see and understand things in ways this guy has already started doing a long time ago. do not bear a grudge at all against him. i just wish i could share some of his gifts.

but as another bright mind told me today as i claimed that i want to be proven myself smart for self approval. being talented or not is not up to the spectator but myself. if i believe i am, then i am (desecrates much?)

given my current progress, i am unlikely to ever become a professor and will end up as many commoners do in the world of business. the higher we go in this world, the more we are under the mercy of others. a cleaning lady is only under the mercy of her employer. as long as she does her job, there really is no worry. but as you become a ceo, your clients, your employees, the government has control over you. you are under the mercy of them as they can destroy equally forcefuly and quickly. there are many jackasses in this world and sometimes i wish i could just skin them alive and make genetically modified humans ( imagine 1 000  000 wilfreds)  and have a utopia

so here i am. almost 500 words and still at the promises i promised to made.

probably i wont’ fulfill the dream of getting 40+ but i will try

– ideal report card. math:6, chem:7, business:7, english:6, music:6, chinese 7.
– push interact to the limit
– push myself to the limit


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