i’ve had 9 hours of sleep. it’s saturday morning. i ought to be more optimistic about life. yet, here i am, holding these depressing thoughts about life.
life is a cliche.
my feeling is of ambivalence. in some ways, it is true. ultimately, our lives follow similar patterns, the same stages in life. the older i get, the more of the feeling that i will not be anybody refreshingly different, but falling into the same problems that have troubled every common man. when we’re young, we venture off and try to live the life we dreamed. the older you become, the more you see the range of possibilities shrink. as we grow older, we plants our roots into the soil, find reasons to live, find a partner in life, find a home, find a company to work for, have children. when you get old, you retire, you move to a small home cuz your legs are too weak, your kids go live their own lives, your spouse dies, You die. yet, at the same time, this depends on the degree of similarities that i would like to draw, depends on how macro of a scale we would like to look at life. there are certainly inspiring individuals, individuals worthy of emulation, of praise but aren’t they so only because they managed to something slightly different in these same troubles of life? is anything different then?
days you want to be someone else.
everybody has days they want to someone else. the older you get, the more you have. because the older you become, the more you see the range of possibilities shrink. but most of us keep living day after day, powered by our own obligations, personalities, morals and dreams.
i’ve realized i’ve reached a certain stagnation in life. there are not really any more experiences RIGHT NOW. i’m working hard, sticking out with the same group of friends. perhaps, this will all change when i go to university. perhaps, it could change now if decided to find a girl friend. but i can’t even do that. i don’t really know what to want in life anymore. how then am i supposed to find a girl that is supposed to embody my purposes, hopes in life?