what it could have been like

what my day could have been if something different happened at 9am:

i think i would have walked out, slumped on the couch, wait for a few seconds before i said all rejected. the rest of the day would become worse and worse as i soon found out that other people among my peer group had got into other great colleges and more importantly, Ivies. i would turn a sour face at Katherine who i guess would be nice enough to comfort me this time.

i just don’t think i would feel good, no matter what people said or comforted me. it would be a thorn in my heart, just stabbing me every time that thought came into my mind. me being a thinker, i would have kept this inside myself, just thought long and hard and not be able to sleep. so i would stay up very late, to get myself delusional and simply too tired to think about this. in the end, i think i would teared a little once i started thinking of the work i’ve started doing since grade 9.

yes, i had a connection but i’m not sure how good it was. yes, i did pay a lot of money to get counselors to guide me on the essay writing process.

all of this would have not been worth it if something different happened at 9am. i think it would have been the closest i would ever be from a suicide. but it is worth it when it produces results. thank you.

i need to humble myself before God and everyone else. i don’t think i deserve it. i have no amazing IQ, no amazing achievements, no horrible life story that i managed to rise from. i’m above average in the grand scheme of things. i just got really lucky, like winning the lottery. so thank you to everyone of you who’ve been a part of my life. i’ll spread His story through my mouth because I am a living product of his infinite grace.

Thank you. thank you to all of u

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