holes in the wall

i redid my wall tonight.

the cork wall was supposed to be a organizer. but i didn’t “update” it, not even once. slowly, cards, photos, little snippets of advice were stuck on. the wall then became an amalgam of my life.

a nerd blog i read religiously recommends us to defrag our brain when we need to change our dominant setup, (a nerdish way of saying to focus on sth else) so I decided to do that tonight. I was trying to aim for a completely clean wall but it still ended up more occupied than empty.

i was inspired by poems by gr. 10s from the literary magazine which all start with “i am from..” i think it is an important question for me to consider, especially at this point in time in between two stages of my life. Remembering conversations with university students, including one earlier tonight with family friends, i need to figure out where i’m from and decide how to play out my first year.

so here goes, my first stab at my worst fear in the world: poetry.

i am from the memorabilia of my high school days:
entrance passes for rugby 7,
cards to congratulate me from aunts and uncles,
name list of the scout camp where i first understood leadership,
a piece of paper with a pin that
marks the end of two years.
i am from these moments, these pieces of dust in Time that
define who i am.
i stored the Past away, read to move on, to embrace.

i reached out again, but i found that
i am from the photograph of my mother, my brother and me,
ephemeral in the moment it captured but eternal in its meaning;
i am from the collage of baby photos of my brother;
i am from the photo of my music homeroom and 7B,
a testimony of our camaraderie against struggles;
i am from my band of brothers, our stories, our moments together.
i am from tickets to the blind side;
i am from the holes that the pins made and the things they held.

everything on the wall is an artifact from the past, but
this is not the Past.
it was something that i need to be reminded of, something that had to be left on that wall.
This is where i am from.

i have some empty space now.
i pinned my first cheque deposit notice.
i pinned…
i am only at the starting line;
the Future is yet to be discovered and pinned to become a part
of me.

i don’t know what my wall will become
but at least i know where I am from, now.
i have youth on my side, energy in my limbs, ideas in my head,
and a life to live
carrying my Past with me.

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