imma selfish bitch.
i forget about other ppl and only rmb about myself, my benefits, my sacrifices, my trade-offs. i’ve never been able to live for anyone except myself.
but i know i’m not
i don’t even remember what i forget. i remember the events, i remember the moments. but it’s just my whole attitude towards these things, a bit like going home for the first time in many years. you know it but it just seems unfamiliar.
was it from my reluctance to tell Nathan because i didn’t want him to be influenced?
i deserve the insults, the abuses. in a way, it’s what i wanted: to be the jerk that no one likes. but it’s really painful now that i’m here.
i want to understand what’s wrong. what’s with this lethargic me who still has so much to talk to you about.