i miss home. i wanna go back right now.

i knew it. i knew the button would be pressed when i started seeing something that reminded me of home. it turned out to be the middle school graduation video (not even of my class) but of class of 2013.

the video wasn’t even spectacular. it merely showed me parts of the school. but it hit the right button and it dismantled me.

i don’t want to grow up, know who i am, figure out myself, make friends, try to break into the circle of WASPs, learn names, feel the need to expand my comfort zone, figure out my future, what i want to study, join, research.

i like home. i like coming from a small school of extremely homogenous and socio-economically and culturally similar chinese people.
i don’t want to go out of my way to make friends, embrace diversity, explain my background anymore.
i like knowing the name of every single person in the hallway, of being able to stop every twenty seconds to talk to someone I know, having teachers who have seen me grow up and share a relationship.

i want people who understand me, my plight, my predicament, my upbringing, my reasoning.
i don’t want to explain myself no more. i just want to be understood and encouraged.

the conversation i had was so good. it was therapeutic because someone understood me. i didn’t have to explain myself one more time.

maybe that’s the extent of the comfort we, foreigners, will be able to enjoy, small briliiances of mutual understanding.


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