lies are ways to make things logical?

(* something from quite a few weeks ago that i wrote but forgot to put up *)

continuing the conversation i started in the previous post about sex

the way i think of it is that we already have so little things we have control over in our life. 

goodness was forgone the moment Adam ate from the tree, with or without Eve’s temptation, Adam was still the one who succumbed.

the only thing i really have left is virginity.

are we to toss it away like everything else as well? give it to some random person who it wouldn’t mean anything to after a few years

keep hold of it until we meet the right person it should be given to

using computer science terminology

there’s actually two questions, both are mutually recursive towards each other. 

one is that of sex

the other being our idea of self, (which is the reason I’ve signed up for a religious studies course called on the idea of the religious and philosophical self next semester.)

do we think everything is deterministic or do we have control?

these two things are mutually recursive, neither can be answered until both of them have both cases

they can only be solved together.

lately (well as of the previous post), i’ve been inclined towards a decision of sex in a long last relationship in university.

——-

as someone aptly pointed out in a comment, the reason i’m actually discussing this is because i do care about it.

if i didn’t care less about it, this discussion won’t even be taking place.

have talked to even more people, seen more people, similar people in my book, the other side of the spectrum i think. 

from them, i get the feeling that it shouldn’t even matter.

if it matters at all to me, then i just shouldn’t do it.

if i were to point out a specific time when this interior monologue would take place would be when people start pre-gaming and going to parties and come back wasted with hickies all over their neck.

how much does being americanized, getting involved in the party culture matter to me?

different during different times.

high when people are out partying, when weekend starts.

low when people are in studying, when the weekend is winding down.

actually, i am very easily influenced by the majority. 

it does matter to me what everybody else is doing.

———

i’ve been having a feeling that this discussion is going in the wrong direction.

been speaking to even more people about it.

and many of them have aptly pointed out that i seem to be trying too hard to change. (not only in terms of the discussion of sex, but my whole value system of relationships.)

true, change, for me, must be a conscientious decision. but lately, it’s been too much change in too tangential of a direction. it must be reasoned that change is also partly a byproduct, something that naturally occurs.

people aren’t really as extreme as i think they are.

(looking back, i feel like i do get easily influenced by what other people have to say.)

between constantly hooking up with random strangers and complete non-physical contact until relationships,

there are certain midway points. none of them are normal including idea of friends with benefits, rare hookups that turn into relationships. i mean it’s possible, it’s just the path is less trodden upon.

so what is the decision.

i guess i’ve taken a softer resolve on the topic of sex before marriage. if it happens for the right reasons, it will.

i should be open with my mind? see what there is to offer outside. stop when it feels neede

(*but this resolve is still up to date as of this moment *)


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