midsummer night manifesto from a couch

You lose a lot of hope in the world when you read the paper each day. Millions dying in the Horn of Africa, more people dying from wars, the newest released figure of an increasing disparity between the rich and the poor.
Reading books though make me realize that we have not seen a period of more peace, more economic prosperity in the history of man.
And I also realize that this unprecedented movement of people and information has given us more information, more horror stories than we ever need or are responsible for.
But we can ask the same question from the opposite view. this unprecedented movement of people and information has given us more knowledge, but also perpetuated increasing unfairness in this world.

Lack of information allowed us ignorance. But wealth of information has now seen inaction. It is the same conversation Andreas had with his mom in the book about our duty to everyone else as the top 1% of the world. To me, it is an unanswerable question.
It’s a guilt that will live with me till the day I die. A guilt that will constantly ask me why I haven’t donated all my money to save more people. A guilt that will be forgotten by the relentless waves of life, and rekindled in the moments we see horror with our own eyes again.

I’ve been thinking about myself lately, not in the narcissistic sense, but in a critical sense.
Multiple examples, which include not caring whether I look presentable and leaving things to the last possible minute, have shown me that I am irresponsible when it comes to planning my own future. I am utterly irresponsible and I seem to have no problem with that. I expect the world to ask nothing of me but I ask everything of the world. I expect my life to be naturally successful and smooth. I am trying to live a carefree life right now.But I realize that living a carefree life requires an expectation that it doesn’t matter what happens. But I do expect something. So we have an imbalance of expectations, the world and me. You can’t not care. You need to give a fuck before someone else gives a fuck about you. I have been really ungrateful, basking in the glory made possible by those around me, including my parents but not thankful. Being grateful comes from realizing how much was needed to get me where I am now. Yes, I want a carefree life. who doesn’t? Who ever stops wishing for it? Who doesn’t want to wake up and have unlimited wealth and have eternal handsomeness and have everyone falls for him/her? The world is real. It is not a one-way street. It goes both ways. Favors are only reciprocated. Wealth is only earned. Success is only plowed. Mom’s right. You can be stupid but you can’t be naive.

Culture is a difficult question. I already discussed this briefly before. I will never be authentic, a product of only one culture. It was not going to be like that since I was born. It’s a statement I make when I realize the difficulties of making true friends sometimes. I’m not from the Bay Area or this town. I don’t know this person. I don’t know the school either. You watch what show? Whose that line by again? Sometimes, I can’t laugh, can’t relate. and it’s difficult. it’s frustrating. and it is true that humans need to relate. the same reason I appreciate talking to people who have been to China or who have stayed there so much. and realizing that I also have this need to be related to so I ain’t so high and mighty either. I admit that I feel like I’m being gobbled up by American culture. Assimilation is the wrong word, more like acquisition. It’s a two way street again. I need to move closer to the middle and I hope they come my way too.

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