self-content

the message is the same. the idea is the same. i’ve talked about it in the past before but i just need to write it again to remind myself.

i always find myself in the same situation, forcing myself to do something i don’t desire doing. i just do it because i think i will like it later or that the benefits in the future will outweigh the pain. usually, the answer to that question is no. (but you should always give it a shot, only one though)

i made a promise to myself last year that i would do a bit less work, leave myself a bit more time, leave other people a bit more time. and i already see myself going back on that promise. it’s not that hard. it’s always an issue of pride. a image of myself i need to maintain, a feeling of self-worth, of confidence. i wanted to take a hard class this semester i thought i liked. and i realized upon going in that group problem session that the main reason to take it was to confirm that i was still one of the smart kids like i was in high school. it’s still the same issue of pride. i had to put it down.

for better or worse, we are stuck with what we have. intelligence and looks. you need to be comfortable of who you are, regardless of who you maybe. we are infinitesimally small but we can still have our own colors. put down your pride, then you will be much clearer of what you want to do.

pride (this doesn’t sound like me but i’m going to say it) principles should never be the reason.

i think i.s.p (independent study projects) are a good analogy. a grad student put it this way which inspired me. they count for the same credit, but you spend way much more time on it. but if you enjoy it and like it, then no matter what other people say or not recognize, you will still be ok.

because at the end of the day, when the lights dim, and you are in bed. your brain is the only one that you are listening to. in our self-aware lives, perspective is one of the hardest things to gain. to us, we will always be the kid who was affected. but when we get the privilege to step back, you will see the world is so much more.

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