the world is dead.

the discussions i’ve had in my head for the last few weeks have been about my interests/concentration as i struggle immensely with e&m.

during a conversation with kader last week, i expressed my frustrations towards pure engineering/programming and most other jobs. here are a collection of some of the things we talked about:

being a pure programmer contributes nothing to society, especially if you work for entertainment companies like zynga. even if you work for facebook, what do you contribute to society by adding a functionality in facebook? i don’t think any.
being a pure engineer sucks too. you’re just playing with formulas and constants until something works.

governments are inherently flawed. and to be a politician, you need to inherently believe that politics works. and i don’t.
private entities are better at doing things because they are flexible and versatile.
but government is needed for public goods, like education, healthcare.
the trade-off is between efficiency and coverage

society is flawed.
you displace wealth to acquire wealth, you can never make the world better,even as a philanthropist. the top 1% are the best destroyers of wealth.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/nov/07/one-per-cent-wealth-destroyers

from an article by Zhou Guo Ping I read combined with my own thoughts:
humans are trying to live a busy life, we’re trying to live for something. in actuality, there’s really nothing to live for so we create meaning. meaning is fictional and it works as long as we believe in it. when you realize that, life just becomes a collection of experiences. at the end of the day, no matter how shitty your life, you still have to like it. and sometimes, you have to do things in life you don’t like. you can fight. or you can accept a little imperfection in your life, then you can have peace.

today, for some random reason, my mom told me to give a spiel about why to go to brown. here is about what i said.
college is about finding directions, about discovering who you want to be. here, no one cares what you do. you need to decide for yourself and be able to live with it. the greatest feeling is being bad at something, but you keep doing it because you like it. and at some point, someone tells you that you’ve become good at what you like to do. it’s an amazing feeling. and because in college, especially a socially liberal one like brown, your values, interests, beliefs are challenge every day. and this process keeps on going until you can finally not care what other people have to say about what you do.

then, i started complaining about life and e&m and she redirected my spiel at me. best thing she said, as long as you do what you like even if it means a 3.2gpa

conclusion:
we have no idea where we’re going. life is just one giant jumbo-fuck. either like what you’re doing, fight against it or accept imperfection and have peace instead.

EDIT:

society is flawed.
you displace wealth to acquire wealth, you can never make the world better,even as a philanthropist. the top 1% are the best destroyers of wealth.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/nov/07/one-per-cent-wealth-destroyers

i wrote this up there. and i wanna take it back. i kept it up there to show how i’m sort of pessimistic about everything. but believing in that will basically mean that we won’t acknowledge any great person in history. but my general point is that the world is a lot like newton’s third law: for every reaction, there is a counter-reaction. i don’t think anything really gets done if we find the net effect of everything. it’s hard for me to justify whether they benefit mankind
my perfect example: iphones. millions of them sold. technological innovation of the decade. a status good. but how many millions of people’s banks have we dug into, people who don’t need the iphone and probably can’t afford it but now have to pay that exorbitant fee.
in the end, meaning is what we derive for ourselves.

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3 thoughts on “the world is dead.

  1. ^ditto!

    “being a pure engineer sucks too. you’re just playing with formulas and constants until something works” hahahahahahahahahaha i how you summed it up nicely. i’m not really happy with science either hahahahah same frustration same frustration

    1. there are some parts to it which i like, other which i don’t.
      i mean no occupational engineer does problem sets and lab reports all the time, right?

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