schizophrenic thoughts

what reading is all about? humans naturally have emotions, have judgement. it’s about being a shrink, pathologically diagnosing and dissecting the characters. coming with our own theories of their motivations.

what is happiness and sadness?
are they actually just synonyms for fulfillment and emptiness?
where does religion step into this equation? God’s love is agape, his sacrificial all-encompassing love. is that why religion works? God’s love is THE reason to be happy.

what being a professor is like? at this point in the scientific community, being a professor is no longer about doing the actual research. it’s about directing the research.
difference between corporate work and research work? in the world of business, the things you see are much different. there is a desire to go macro, to go up the ladder of power, higher ranks. in some ways research goes in the opposite direction, look into the most minute detail of the universe, look for the most accurate equation, pattern guiding something. the bible of the research world is peer reviewed academic papers while the bible of the corporate world is the newspaper. the corporate world is about what is recent. the scientific world is about what is everlasting.

mental curation is a very time-consuming organization-intensive effort. to tag, retag, reorganize, rebrainstorm everything you write. but every time you do it, you find some gleamed over pearl and then you end up with a structure that perfectly holds everything together with elegance and symmetry.

in economies that will be dominantly capitalistic for the next century, and potentially the rest of human’s lifetime, one needs to learn to be a smart capitalist. it’s not about taking advantage of others, but it is about protecting yourself.

i wonder if dudes are all like this, avoidance of relationships, skype dates and long facebook messages. or am i just too selfish to put my time on someone?

i suppose living your own life, living your own adventure in the city is something our parents having taken care sine you were born and helpless never expected and never want to happen either. thank you parents.

computer science is a lot about using someone else’s libraries. but i always feel like the benefits of writing your own library always outweigh using someone else’s. writing your own library forces you to know all the steps. cs is about knowing all the steps because cs is precise. if there’s an error because it goes through a part of the code that you don’t understand, how can you be effective? read the source code or write your own. it also highlights the importance of communication. (an exaggerated statement:) documentation is the most important part of your code.

when you’re inebriated, it’s so easy to undo all your hardwork, all the times you resisted laziness, temptation and human nature.
but even if you make the right decision in that moment of vulnerability, it feels so wrong somehow. you want to make the wrong decision and be foolish and lament on youth, on stupidity.
but you have to grow up at some point

it’s so easy to be in the center, to think you’re important, to be surrounded, to think the world revolves around you. but at the same time, so wrong. it’s easy to be want to be wanted but difficult to recognize it is wrong. perhaps of this understanding or just my imperfection, strangely enough, i can’t live with myself in the center of the universe. it’s not me. can’t do it. i’m too imperfect, not alpha, not self-confident, not tall, not strong, not big enough.

“everyone’s just a phony, trying to one up someone else.” sometimes i feel like a lot of people around me are just trying to show that they’re better than everyone else, fighting for 1st, for the best, for the attention. modesty is underrated but social media is definitely not helping us in that regard.


One thought on “schizophrenic thoughts

  1. let me know before you try to blow up the world or something, i wish i had a mind that thought like you, must be so much more exciting

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