So after taking two years of required cs classes, I am now finally ready for the “advanced classes”.
So this semester I’m taking programming languages, where we learn about the different classes of programming languages by building interpreters, models of computation, which is sort of about the different classes of computational problems, computational prob and stats, which is mostly simulating randomness with different insightful methods and logic class on incompleteness theorem, which in a very general sense proves what is unprovable by logic.
It won’t be surprising to me that not a lot of people will really understand what my classes are about, because they’re very specialized sub-fields within already technical fields.
There’s a couple of questions that arise with the realization that what you’re studying is so particular and narrow that someone may never ever come across it in their entire lives. You can go into science libraries and just see books and books on topics that you have no idea what they are about. You can find lists and lists of prolific scientists/academics who have published a lot but who you have no idea who they are.
The first question is then what do you choose to study? You know how to specialize into a field?. How and what do you choose are some difficult personal question.
Second question is is it worth it? Studying technical things tend to be very painstaking and difficult processes because there is a right answer. Understanding and getting to the right answer can be painfully frustrating and slow. But it’s also increasingly true that fewer and fewer people understand you. I mean it’s hard enough to find people who you can connect with. It’s going to be even harder to find people who connect with you but also understand the same things. Your view of the world is shaped directly by your knowledge. And being more familiar with certain kinds of ideas, in my case, computing, biases my views a lot.
But the problem of finding people who you connect with still remains? I used to believe in true love but it seems increasingly apparent to me that being a perfect match for each other doesn’t really exist. Compatibility certainly does but our world is so diversified that I don’t think two can be perfect of each other. It’s sort of the other things that hold relationships together, care for each other will be the motivation for you to learn about the other person’s world.
And with every moment, I fall deeper into the alone hole, get more involved with academics and lose that critical balance that is so vital to keeping you sane and connected to the world. Erickson’s stage of development for our age is that of deciding the meaningful relationships to form in your life. And finding a significant other is important for you to be connected to the world. We are just motes of consciousness trying to find accompaniment in this lonely universe.