Summer is coming to an end. In two weeks, I will join the work force. The first part of my life is coming to an end. It feels more momentous in the night, under the clouds, in the dark, like another of those mid-summer night manifestoes but it will likely be much less consequential in retrospet. I can point to very few moments where I made specific decisions that changed my life. Ideas always develop over time, as they germinate slowly in our brains and we find more evidence from our lives to corroborate these ideas.
Just finished watching Amazing Spiderman 2, (one of the much better superhero movies to come out in a while in my opinion) Many of us like Spiderman because we can relate to him, because he feels human. He has many of the same constraints, conflicts as we have, unlike Superman, Batman, Thor. Often times, I feel that his actions are motivated by great emotions of love and sacrifice, of hope and courage. His actions inspire me but at the same time, I find them inadequate. Very rarely in life, I think, are there moments as momentous as the ones Spiderman faces. In fact, most moments in our life are insignificant. So great emotions are rare in our life. More often, it is the perseverance of a smaller emotion. Most of the moments I’m awake, I’m not really feeling. I go about my life planning using logic. It is only with friends through conversations that the emotion arises.
I’ve learnt to observe more of the world around me. I’ve realized how my life stacks up against other lives. I’ve realized how my life could have very easily been different. That grounds me in reality. They say college students are idealistic, which is mostly because they don’t understand the origins of their society. It’s true, sometimes we need grand lofty ideas to break free of the status quo, but in the same very sense, we need grounded decisions based on reality.
I think I’ve learnt one or two new things about relationships this summer. One through re-engaging old friends, I have come to realize the importance of simply being there. If you’re not there too often, sometimes even making that first step becomes difficult. Second is through continuously engaging current friends remotely. Relationships require communication. They deteriorate without it. Familial and romantic relationships, you feel the need to keep ties. But friendships, you feel less strong of a pull. And sometimes, when things slowly fall apart, it’s not always entirely your fault. Physical distances does not necessitate but often leads to emotional distance. Sometimes, you just have to blame your luck because being there physically just wins, every time.
I used to imagine I would have a perfect marraige but now my hopes are more grounded. I have learnt to apply the mediocrity principle to myself, the quality of the marraige being one of the facets. Falling in love is always fun. It’s exciting. You’re always learning something new about each other. But what happens when you know everything about each other 10 years down the line. What happens when you know exactly how they will react to everything, including what words they will say in an argument? Does it become boring or does it become trust? That’s why pepole recommend you to marry people like your parents, because you’re used to dealing with that. If your family worked, then your marraige will be similar. Don’t mistake. I still hope and will work towards one, but sometimes it comes down to the luck of the draw.