delusion

it felt good.
no doubt about it.
but at some point, i realized there was no point.

i felt happier teaching buddha how to read
i felt happier hanging out at the man cave
i felt happier sitting on that couch reading
i felt happier skyping my family

and i realize that different people have different levels of that need.
i’m one of them who has a low level.

you wouldn’t mind hugging her the whole night if it’s someone you like,

zhou guo ping is right again.
love is the thing you come up with, delude yourself with, while you wait for the girl.

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SPG not what you think

this post is dedicated to SPG aka starlings of slipstream

the stressful part is finally over. it’s the first day in two full weeks that i’ve finally not felt stressed out by the amount of work i need to do after waking up. finally, finally.

i gave some advice last night and i realized that i should heed those same words as well.
to be happy, one needs to

1) be pragmatic about happiness. happiness is not sth that naturally occurs to someone. if you have some understanding of the world and some introspective understanding of your position in this world, you realize there’s a lot of things to be depressed about, about the unfair world.
therefore, you need to do adopts ways of happiness. if there’s sth that makes you happy, do it. you need also to believe that doings that will make you happy will actually make you happy. at least try.

2) the more important thing is to suppress that voice inside your head. that voice mostly arises from self-doubt, self-criticism. the origin of that voice is our high expectations of ourselves. accept this fact: no one is perfect. in fact, you need to accept you yourself are far from perfect. it’s like studying, you never study enough. you will never be as good as what you expect yourself to be. so, lower your expectations. your flaws and imperfections make you human. imperfections make us real.

at the end of the day, you have to love your life, no matter how shitty it is. so do the following realizing life is not perfect, and try to make yourself happy.

now the big question, does doing engineering make me happy? hmmm

chinese mozart

“every man is a moon” – nytimes

every man is a moon. everyone has a side which reflects light, the side which they show to the world. everyone also has a side that is hidden, their true self which is hidden from most people

before this year, i had quite a lot of biased opinions about people. about this guy being a retard, that guy being a unscrupulous jerk, those guys being lazy bums

this year my assumptions have been proven wrong, esp those of one guy

he’s tall and thin as a stick. white porcelain skin much like a vampire

he’s got curly hair and good at music, hence the name chinese mozart.

before i truly met him, this was my observations of him:

feminine from the way he liked to put his hair behind his ear, peculiar from the way he liked to “slide” on shoes, weird for liking to laugh at totally dumb jokes and arrogant for dissing people who make mistakes. reserved from the way he’s silent during class time.

some of my assumptions were proved wrong started from the day he taught me math during spare

he’s nice. he’s kind enough to answer each of your math questions even if he’s working on his own stuff. he’s extremely intelligent. he’s doing calculus and physic at AP levels in his junior year. he’s quite profound in some of his logic.  yes, he despises people lower on the IQ level and makes fun of them. but he never does it out of a mean intention, more in the tone of a joke. he’s also very modest, never gloating and always hardworking

and he’s quite friendly. if you get to know him on a personal level, you would be amazed by some of the things he does for friends. i am impressed.

of course, some of his traits still remain like his clumsiness, not as considerate personality and aloofness.

but when i was going up the escalator while he chased for the MTR. i saw chinese mozart “sliding” across the floor with his lanky body, his hair bobbing up and down a pit. the whole image reminded of an upside down mop sliding across the room.

appearance has no relation with intelligence what so ever.